BODY SHAMING

By : shiny G mahima 

YOU LOOK SO GOOD WHEN YOU DONT GIVE A FUCK !

The idea that criticizing someone's body will motivate them to change is flat out wrong . It jus teaches them to hate their bodies . We take care of the Things we value , not the things we hate , so if you want to help ? Tech them to love their body no matter what it looks like .

So, in India once you are fat, that shall always remain a huge part of your history. It will follow you forever and when you die, your epitaph would say “SHE WAS FAT.” Because India never uses or even thinks the term “fat” without negativity and has a sacred oath of never making you forget it, let alone own it. In fact there is even a sadistic pleasure derived in shaming it out of you. I am not even talking about broader beauty standards that are a direct result of deeply engraved colonial supremacy. No I am just talking about fat shaming. India will always make “being fat” a very negative part of your story if not the only part of your story. It is a part of my story too, tall and fat. “Like an elephant.” Friends, philosophers, guides, family, close confidants and pedestrians passing you by. They shall all body shame you. Its almost like a spiritual promise our culture made in the ancient days? Like it is a part of this “Mera Bharat Mahaan” / “India is the greatest” agenda and all the “sanskaars” / “sacraments” that fall under it that make india mahaan or great. They will create an environment of shame so stringent that you will have no option but to isolate yourself into stress eating (Or any other coping mechanism).

So what would a general family get together feel like? Like I would rather jump up my own ass and die. What is it with Indian family members who have no contribution what so ever in your growth and character formation, who give no fucks about you but who will definitely have something to say about you? Like its their two cents in making you better. The same fuckers who never called you except on the day of your exam results? The same people who come to you the next day after your marriage, smile slyly and say “toh, good news kab?”

“No job yet?”

“Shaadi nahi hui abhi tak?” / “Are you not married yet?”

“Inni moti hogi to kaun shadi karega? / “Who will marry you if you get so fat?”

The standard Ekta Kapoor audience if you know what I am saying. (I cant believe how her name still triggers me.) Anyway, these people love to hate on you when yo fat! Go down and touch their feet, say “Namaste“, and there starts the pity party “Arre re, kitti moti ho gai ho. Tum na bas noodles kho. Bas noodles, fir dekhna kaise weight kam hota hai.” / “Ow how fat have you become. You just eat noodles, and watch how you loose weight.” Yes, I have been given that advice with a lot of love and care. Its almost as if she wants me to keep gaining more weight. From the ones I dont care about, I get a very sly smile and a squeal, “Yes! She is fat!!!!” Sometimes I get utter shock. “Aisa kaise ho gaya beta?” / “How did this happen child?”. Its almost as if I have grown a second head or lost my boobs somehow. “How will she get married?” Oh “marriage” the potato in the recipe of every Indian Family Drama. Goes with every dish. But fat+marriage can fuck even a progressive parent’s head. “She is a girl! What if she get stretch marks?”, “what will her husband think?” For crying out loud, can once ONE thing be about me and not my hypothetical husband aunty? Let me have my fat. My fat is mine and I luvre it. Deal with it. But then they go, “Is your uterus alright?” Bitch, my uterus is not a champak ka chutkula that you will announce it over at a birthday party. “I hope your ovaries dont have a cyst you know!”

Cysts! Eureka! I think there is a way out. “Yes aunty I have cysts in both of my ovaries.” Yeah bitch, both my ovaries are occupied by fat! They will save me from having the babies I never wanted. Whatchya gonna do now? But she plays. “What?! How will you ever have a child? Oh poor child!” and there comes back the sly smile. Hypothetical child is a bigger nuisance than hypothetical husband. Shouldn’t have said eureka so soon. But aunty be a netizen and she must fuck with my happiness a little more. She is still not satisfied with her attacks. I still seem to be holding my own. So she goes, “You know Victoria Beckham also has PCOD” while flaunting a sexy pic she just googled of her. Would it matter if I told her “Aunty if I had her net worth, doctor, personal chef and husband, I would look like that too.” What can I say to her that wouldn’t make it sound like an excuse? Damn it, she is already in my head. I am already seeing myself through her eyes! Evil aunties to the win again.

But the uncles are the worst. The chachas and mausas. You know the typical Indian, garden variety, family pedophiles. “To aise hi rehne ka plan hai ya wazan kam karne ka bhi koi plan hai?” / “So do you plan to stay this way or do you plan to lose any weight?” Why are you measuring my body in the first place you absolute waste of space? Fondling me as a child was not enough for you? You think you are entitled to my looks and I owe it to you to have a great body, fitting your beauty standards so that you can jerk off to me, your brother’s/sister’s/relative’s daughter? So that I can look more pleasing to your sleazy gaze as I dance with my sisters in a family function? Yeah, I noticed, so did my mom. (This parallel shall be explored more in future blogs.)

Uncle, aunty, family is one thing. You are somewhere brainwashed in to tolerating them due to the “historically entrenched patriarchy that has created a culture of victim shaming.” But once they are done with their hate and have let me go once they are satisfied they have shamed me enough to have any self worth or confidence left in me, I turn to a sibling for comfort and they go “Look how fat you have become” or “Hey fatso” instead of a hello. They may think they are just being jerks like every sibling but, that is low.

(Plug: I do plan a separate blog on this very specific episode of Brooklyn 99. Consider this a teaser.)

So one distances themselves from family and goes for lone walks; but people walking on the streets also spare no moment in adding to this fat shaming sanskaar of our society. Oh how much do they love to hate. These clearly entitled people will give unsolicited, condescending sympathy to differently abled people (which is equally offensive) but will not extend even that to a person who does not fit their beauty standards. Im not endorsing their thick behaviour here. I am saying, as fucked up as these people may be for making tone deaf remarks to differently abled people, in their heads fat people do not even deserve that from them. All they deserve is hate and shame and guilt. They will form a scorn as if they smell something disgusting and say “fat” like its the worse insult ever and I should burn with shame.

If this well established eco system of body shaming was not enough to kill all my self love and make me feel ashamed of my own body, suddenly comes up the unavoidable shopping you had been evading forever. Nothing is more humiliating and excluding like shopping for clothes. Fuck you ZAARA, and other such brand names I clearly dont remember because Im always avoiding shopping. Just the mere question of “do you have this design in XXL?” can push you down the rabbit hole of shame. And lets not even discuss shopping for a bra. Bra sections have just as many men employed as women if not more, but finding a sales “woman” is no less painful. They just take a look at you and go “Aapke size ka nahi rakhte” / “We dont keep you size”.

Indians should add body shaming to their resume. It is an age old skill passed down through generations and under the belief that they are doing me a favour. MUCH FAT! MANY SAD. SUCH SHAME. HOW LIKE THIS? BECHARI.

However, the interesting observation here in how they make it a part of your identity and history. Either you are fat, were fat or will become fat. And if you give in and/or want to be fit or whatever it is that motivates you to loose weight, a part of it is always about fitting in the said “beauty standards”. It was and still is for me. But when I did loose a significant amount of weight, I hated it more. Because now I was a tool for fat shaming others. “Look at your sister. She was so fat but she worked hard and lost weight.” More like succumbed to your national, incessant, subtextual and/or blatant bullying. “Beta, look at my daughter. See how fat she has become. Please teach her how you lost weight.” Did I loose weight to impress these low lives? Listen sister, I didn’t have Adele and Lizzo. You are beautiful just the way you are and if you gain weight its because you want to and if you loose weight its because you want to. Do not do it to fit these imperial beauty standards spread across media to sell you something that advertises to make you happy but in reality just makes you miserable. No one looks like that. Even the models in those pictures dont look like that. The spectrum of beauty standards are so unrealistic that only photoshop can get satisfactory results. And even if you do succumb to that, understand that tomorrow it will be your complexion, your pimples, your unibrow, to something else and will transcend into your will to not get married, your will to not have kids, your will to work or study or have any autonomy and it will never end.

Beauty standard is the ugliest propaganda of patriarchy. It makes you and the world ignore everything you are good at, amazing at, brilliant at and reduces you to how you should appear to fit the male gaze. So next time, tell that aunty, tell your sibling and tell that pedestrian or NOT. It is your wish to do whatever you want, say whatever you want just like it is your wish to look however you want. Just remember you are gorgeous and are way way WAY more than just an object of the male gaze.

PS: Lets also just get this out there that women do not wear nice clothes and make up to get a nice look from you. They do it to wink at their mirrors.

#Feminism #BodyPositivity #BodyShaming #FatShaming #Beautystandards #MalePrivilege #Sexism #india #Fiftyshades #feminist #equality #girlpower #feminista #womenempowerment #women #womensrights #intersectionalfeminism #genderequality #activist #womensupportingwomen #pride #empowerment #woman #selflove #inspiration #heforshe #believewomen #whyididntreport #Sexisminmedia #ToxicMasculinity

Author -- shiny mahima .G

(Legallysuiter)

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